Jonathan Ross’s Lament

By Joe Kennedy

Oh to be Ryan Tubridy 400 grand a year

He only has to turn aside and he can disappear

Girlfriend’s barely 28 and ex Rose of Tralee

So forgive me if he gives me chronic manic disability

On well-established principle, a loser always loses

And a winner is determined by the company he schmooses

He’s been on a payroll since he was only 12

He’s Ireland’s richest, tallest, thinnest, lucky effing elf

Now poo ol’ Jonathan Woff iv goin acwoff the fee

And ITV all becov of the mean ol BBFee

While evwybodyv pwayin he changev hiv mind and stayv

And the BBFee change theywv and give the man the waive.